I am sad to say that I did not make a good choice (this is what we say to Emma when she doesn't obey) tonight. Actually, let's back up.
This morning we went to my nephew, Ethan's, baptism. We would probably have arrived just in time except that I made a wrong turn. That made us late and me upset. I was trying very hard to be patient with Emma. However, when we got into the church she couldn't decide where she wanted to sit and began crying quite loudly just as the prayer started. I scolded her in a rather unkind voice and basically made her feel worse. Fortunately Janice let Emma come and sit by her, so at least I didn't totally ruin the baptism for her.
After that bad choice, I decided that I would dedicate my fast today and tomorrow that I could have help with being more patient and talking more kindly to my children. It didn't last very long however.
Tonight as we were getting ready to read scriptures, Emma was not obeying. After asking her 3 times to obey, I told her that she wouldn't get songs tonight if she didn't obey. She didn't obey and I lost it. I didn't yell at her, but I did raise my voice and was talking very unkindly when I put her in bed. At least I didn't yell, but for how sensitive Emma is, it might as well have been yelling because it probably has the same affect.
At this point of the evening I was fuming, not at Emma however. I was so upset at myself for losing it with her when the very thing I was fasting for was to be more patient and kind to her. I finally decided that I would go in and tell her I was sorry. I took some clothes I had folded in to her room and began putting them away just before I talked to her. As I was doing that, Emma said, "Mommy, I love you!" She said it with so much sweetness and truthfulness in her voice that I broke down crying. What kind of 3 year old says that after her mother has just punished and talked unkindly towards her? I was truly humbled. It is moments like this that make me realize what the Savior was talking about when He said to "become as a little child." I hope that someday I will get to the point that I can forgive that easily. She is so sweet and so pure it amazes me sometimes.
After a while I told her about all the things she had done today that were good choices and as usual I realized what a good and obedient little girl she is. This of course made me feel even worse about the fact that I had punished her for one of the few times that she did not obey.
Anyway, I did end up apologizing to her and we both felt much better, but I am still amazed at the incredible spirits that I am blessed to be raising.
