My Grandmother!

My grandmother Spendlove, the last of my living grandparents, is dying.  I found out yesterday morning and at the time, they thought she would not last long.  I was in the middle of breakfast, and was praying much of the time until I could get up there to see her, that she would still be there for me to say goodbye!  I did make it and was surprised at how emotional I was.  I would have been sobbing if I hadn't been trying to hold back with all of my strength.  As it was I was crying a lot.  I wasn't prepared to say goodbye so quickly. For the last couple of years I have known it would be a blessing for her to go, but somehow it was much harder than I thought it would be.  

Let me go back though.  I was never very close to my grandmother Spendlove while I was growing up.  I have vague memories of sleeping over at her house as a child, but they are just snippets and not really coherent memories.  I was quite shy as a child and so never formed a very close relationship with anyone that I did not see at least weekly.  This all began to change after I had my first little bundle of joy.  

Shortly after Emma was born, I started going with my mother to see my grandmother once a week.  At first I felt awkward as I did not know my grandmother very well.  She was someone that had always been in my life, but that I had never taken the time to really get to know.  I am often still shy, so it was a little hard for me when the conversation would lag.  However, I found that I enjoyed getting out.  But more important, I felt like grandma enjoyed having me come, so I continued to go.

Grandma could still get out a little at that time, and we got to visit a little at a shower for the bride-to-be of one of my cousins.  I was glad that I had taken a little time to know her a little more and that she had the opportunity to be getting to know Emma a little.

Out of necessity, grandma moved into a care center not too long after I started visiting her weekly.  Shortly thereafter, she got shingles which rendered her right hand useless.  This meant she could not feed herself because she was shaky and did not have very good control of her left hand.  I remember it was very hard for her to be there and to feel so helpless.  I was so impressed to see the change in her as time went on.  She learned to eat with her left hand.  She also grew to accept that she could no longer take care of herself, and that she had to live in the care center.  She was an example of faith and enduring to the end.  She never complained very much to begin with, but in time, she stopped even the little complaints that she had and resigned herself to her situation.  I was very impressed with her faith, as if she seemed to be saying that if that was Heavenly Father's plan for her, she would accept it.  

I remember that she loved to see Emma growing up week by week.  She seemed to like to hear the little stories of cute things Emma would do or say, and I began to feel more and more comfortable with her.  There were still times when the conversation would lag, but it was no longer a problem because I felt like I knew her better.  Some of my favorite times were when we could get her talking about her life.  She had a hard time remembering things and that frustrated her, so we didn't talk about her memories often, but I enjoyed the times that we did.

After a year or so, Matthew was born.  I felt so overwhelmed with having two children that I almost decided to stop taking the weekly visits with my mother to see her.  However, I decided to continue going.  I am so glad now that I made that decision as I have enjoyed the time so much.  The picture above is the first time we took Matthew to see grandma Spendlove.

At this point, Jenn was not working and was able to come with us for a time as well.  I am so glad that I had the opportunity to continue visiting my grandmother.  She loved little Matthew.  He is a pretty happy baby and as he got older we could usually get him to smile and laugh for her.  I loved to see the way her eyes would light up as she would smile and laugh back at him.  I really think having little kids around brought so much joy to her.

I was surprised at how well Emma did with my grandma.  She is an incredibly shy child and would not always give grandma a hug, but there were also many times that she did which is huge for her.  There was one day when we went in and Emma sat on Grandma's lap and hugged her for a good 3 minutes.  It was so precious and I couldn't believe it had happened.  Grandma really seemed to love that moment of tenderness, especially because she had seen Emma's shyness first hand.

The two pictures above were taken on Halloween when we went to visit grandma and go trick-or-treating around the care center.  She seemed to really enjoy seeing the kids in their costumes and Matthew even held still for a minute for a picture.  We had a lot of fun.

 

This is not the best picture, but it is the only on that I have of the four of us.  (Yes, Emma is about to sneeze.)  

I have enjoyed having the opportunity to become closer to my grandmother these last few years.  I am so grateful that my children got an opportunity to know her at least a little, even if they do not remember the visits later in life.  She is such a wonderful woman of faith, kindness and great love.  She was always worried about inconveniencing others and made it a point not to do it if there was any way that she could help it.  I wish I had known her better earlier in my life, but I am grateful that I was able to know her before she passed on.  I will miss her, and the time that I will no longer spend with her, but I am happy that she will be with my grandfather and other loved ones again.

I love you grandma, with all of my heart!